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85/280: (Resting)

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No post tonight. Be blessed!

What Kind of Tree Are You?

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Kelly Zooms:

Okay this just made me laugh and it made me happy seeing his tree! Gives me hope that God can even grow me! Yay! Lol
Kelly

Originally posted on Unshakable Hope:

Some might be disappointed, but this is not one of those quizzes like I see posted on Facebook. (There actually is one of those quizzes with this same title, but I didn’t take it because I was afraid that the results would show that I was Charlie Brown’s Christmas Tree).
tree-onlyTen or twelve years ago, let’s just say eleven, Mary and I were shopping at Home Depot. After finishing our shopping in the store, we wandered out to the garden department to look for some small trees. It was November, and most of the plants were marked down because they were making room for Christmas trees.

Mary got hung up looking at wreathes and other boring items, so I cruised my wheelchair over to go look at trees. As it turned out, there were not many trees left, and I didn’t see anything I was interested in. Just when I was…

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Highlight: Pursuing God’s Presence

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Kelly Zooms:

Yes! Good post!
Kelly

Originally posted on Predestined Purpose:

2 Traps Every Christian Pursuing God’s Presence Must Avoid by Rick Joyner

As Paul wrote to the Philippians near the end of his life, he did not think he had yet attained this crown, but “this one thing I do, forgetting what lies behind, I press on toward the mark of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil. 3:13-14). This was the focus of his life.

As I have shared, I have at times been distracted from this focus, as many others likely have. But the greatest Christian life will be found in pursuit of this calling. If you have been distracted from it and are now drawn again into the greatest race of all, do not hesitate.

Two of the biggest traps for those who run the race for the high calling are pride and delusion. These will trip us up if we start to esteem ourselves…

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84/281: Come Into His Courts With Praise

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http://bible.com/111/psa.96.1-13.niv
Sing to the Lord a new song; sing to the Lord , all the earth. Sing to the Lord , praise his name; proclaim his salvation day after day. Declare his glory among the nations, his marvelous deeds among all peoples.

For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols, but the Lord made the heavens. Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary.

Ascribe to the Lord, all you families of nations, ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; bring an offering and come into his courts. Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness; tremble before him, all the earth.

Say among the nations, “The Lord reigns.” The world is firmly established, it cannot be moved; he will judge the peoples with equity. Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let the sea resound, and all that is in it. Let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them; let all the trees of the forest sing for joy. Let all creation rejoice before the Lord, for he comes, he comes to judge the earth. He will judge the world in righteousness and the peoples in his faithfulness.

. . . . .
Tonight let’s just study the Word together, shall we? Great idea, Kelly! :)

Let’s see… What am I told to do here? Let’s make a verb list: sing, sing, sing, praise, proclaim, declare. Ascribe, ascribe, ascribe, bring, come, worship, tremble. Say.

Hey that’s not too hard! Mostly singing, also telling others what He has done… Everyone likes storytellers, right?! So we can gossip on God! Yay! This seems like easy instructions!

After all Who is He? Let’s make a name list: Lord × 11. Easy list! :)

Let’s make a list of adjectives describing the Lord here! Ooo yeah! (You never knew how much I loved words or how completely nerdy I am, right?! Hello! My name’s Kelly! Haha) Adjectives: great,… End of list. Okay then… maybe not my finest list… Let’s just list the attributes of the Lord then: great, most worthy of praise, to be feared, holiness, judge, righteous, faithful. (I may have missed some.)

What surrounds Him? New songs, glory, marvelous deeds, praise, splendor, majesty, strength, holiness. (Didja get one I missed?)

What comes from Him? Salvation, glory, marvelous deeds, holiness, equity, righteousness, faithfulness.

What could we name Him from this? (My favorite part! I love names and so does God!) Savior, Glorious One, Marvelous Deed Doer, Worthy One, Maker of the Heavens, Splendorous One, Majesty, Strength, Glory, Highest Holiness, Holy One, Great One, The Lord Who Reigns, World Establisher, Great Judge, World Judger, Righteous One, Faithful One.

I just love God and His Word! I want to know Him more and more!

So He tells us "Bring an offering and come into my courts." Tomorrow I get to go to church! Yessssss! Yay! Glory glory! Hallelujah! I’m going! Are you?! Got your offering ready? Let’s go! Yay!

Hope of My Life & Holder of My Heart, no one is like You! No one compares! They can’t touch You with a ten million foot pole! You are wondrous and mighty! You are great and greatly to be praised! You are glorious! Your righteousness stretches beyond all the earth! Your mercy flows like a sweet-tasting river that flows on and on into glory from Your throne of grace! Your faithfulness is deeper than the deepest sea! You give hope to thousands and feed us all by Your hand! You make the righteous glad! You make glad the whole earth! The heavens declare the glory of God! The skies proclaim the work of Your hands! Who is like You? Who can counsel the Holy One who sustains the whole earth?

Your ways are loving and true! Your ways are wonderful and peace! Your thoughts are higher than mine but elevate mine higher still. Thank You today for a gift card from a friend for gas and groceries! Thank You for another friend who took me to lunch! Mexican! Yay! Thank You for friends who love me and friends who pray!

Tomorrow I get to go to church, Lord! I’m so happy! I love to learn about You, Jesus! I love to sing to You, Savior! I love to worship You, God! I love to fellowship with Your people, Lord! I can’t wait! Help my friends and family whom I love and those who read this to be able to be in church surrounded by godly, caring people tomorrow! Lord, make us loving toward one another. For some of us, Lord, it will take a lot of work but I believe in You! Haha You have put gladness in my heart, O Lord!

Glorify Yourself in me and my life and my work and my family and my children and even my little blog. Do whatever You want, Lord. I’m Yours. If You even wanna make me super happy and give me a godly husband and put me on the mission field full time, then who am I to stop You from making me sing eternally with great joy?! Haha Even if You choose not to, I’ll be down here on earth telling people how wonderful You are to me! I give You my whole heart and all that I have…which admittedly is dust bunnies in empty pockets but I twisted their ears really cute and painted them pink because You deserve the best dust bunnies! :) You’re welcome so much! Lord, You made me silly and I’m glad to be Your delight!!!!! Come spend time with me now, Father. Come away with me when I close this post. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

83/282: Rugged Reads

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I am struggling to collect my thoughts today. I don’t rightly know what to say.

I know that I am an odd girl. I was advised to read a book called Lady in Waiting, and, yes, I did request it at the library. However, I find myself reading instead books on the speeches of Nelson Mandela and on the Dead Sea Scrolls of Psalms and Andy Stanley’s book, Visioneering, and Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s The Cost of Discipleship. Sometimes I skim or pick more than read… My point is that I am not good at being a female maybe… I don’t know how to say what I mean. But I can say that I do not prefer the women’s devotional at church but the men’s. Please don’t misunderstand… I do not try to be in a man’s place or be over men. I just mean that I do not tend toward fluff and stuffing or merely milk but instead I crave meat and something substantial.

It will be a difficult thing to become the beautiful bride I should be. I do not know how. Yet submission is not a problem for me…not overall anyhow. It is just that this time, I will only follow a good and worthy leader. Sigh. What work God has to do in me!

And yet I tend to believe God made me this way so He has a purpose for it. I also reckon God will send a substantial leader to be my husband someday, and he will require a more substantial wife as will our work in missions. Alas, I do not feel feminine at times. I am in some ways, but I am first cerebral. Yet I try to reconcile myself with my insecurities and trust my Maker. My husband will find me entirely feminine surely. Yet some work is yet to be done in this. It is God’s work to do, because I can do nothing apart from Him. Anyone else would follow this with a feminine Scripture from Proverbs 31 maybe, but that is not where my thoughts go… I need prayer maybe.

http://bible.com/114/lam.3.18-26.nkjv
And I said, “My strength and my hope Have perished from the Lord .” Remember my affliction and roaming, The wormwood and the gall. My soul still remembers And sinks within me.
This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the Lord ’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. “The Lord is my portion,” says my soul, “Therefore I hope in Him!” The Lord  is good to those who wait for Him, To the soul who seeks Him. It is good that one should hope and wait quietly For the salvation of the Lord .

Heavenly Father, we trust You. We praise You! Your fame is greater than any other! Your Word endures through generations! You are my Portion! Thank You that Your mercies are new everyday! Grow us up in You. Build Your church, Father. Help us love one another so that the world may know we are Your disciples. Help us join You in Your work. In Jesus’ name amen. (This is the July 31st post.)

82/283: No post

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The teenager borrowed my phone repeatedly last night during the time I needed to do my blog, turned down the volume, and everthang!  The most organized person in the world can’t always withstand the wiles of a teen! Lol

Meanwhile, I had to prop my swollen feet, which meant snooze city resulted instead of doing all the important things I had on my list. I’m human so I forgive myself for missing one blog post for reasons of falling sleep due to teen offspring interference. :)
(This is the July 30th substitute post.)

81/284: Glue

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Prayer night… Be blessed!

Same verse, two versions… (We are smart enough to figure out who Moshiach is, and we don’t listen to our enemy, the devil, when he tries to convince us otherwise.)

Years ago in my Bible, beside this verse I wrote "GLUE."

http://bible.com/111/col.1.17.niv
He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

http://bible.com/130/col.1.17.ojb
And Moshiach is before all things, and all things in Moshiach have been held together; [MISHLE 8:23-27; 30:4]

Jesus, You are my Glue! You are my Everything! Help me live like I know it, God of Mercy! Exalted One, I sing to You! I shout toward Heaven in adoration for You and agreement with Your precepts! Lather on my praise and wear it all the day for I live to worship You, Father! Fully immerse Yourself in this incense! Thank You for the prayer room! In You all things hold together! Be glorified and magnified in this hidden blog where few venture and someday let MANY hear of my Song in a way that would most glorify You, Lord. Whatever You will. I wait for You as a tiny fish in a giant sea not ensnared by temptation but fully Hooked on Heaven! Your unfailing love has captured my heart forever! I long to see Your face! I want to go to Heaven and play in pools of grace. I want to go to You! I long for You, Favorite! This world has nothing for me. Until You come, I sing. Lord Jesus, come. Even so come. In Jesus’ name, Amen. (This is the July 29th post.)

80/285: Update on my Pause

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Pause on Dating, Day 80, with 285 more days to go. I’m (thankfully) successfully abstaining from dating, all sexual acts, texts/calls from men who might pursue me, soda, and instead I am attempting to give God first place in my life this year. It has been increasingly more often been by God’s own power that I am so far successful. As it happens, until I have a FT job, I am abstaining from Facebook and social networking sites. I had hoped to have a mentor, but God will provide as I have need. Books are somewhat on hold for job search also. Bible study continues.

I feel certain God intends to prepare me during this time for full-time ministry in missions and a lifelong, God-honoring marriage someday. Maybe God will do exactly this. Maybe He will do something different. Blessed be the Name of the Lord.

I do not recommend doing this Pause. God has heaped loneliness upon me for His purposes. Some days I feel bereaved due to the weight of the loneliness as when I mourned the loss of my late husband/ex-husband. No one knows the full weight of it. Yet the joy of the Lord is literally my strength. I am not just being dramatic. God has a reason for everything under the sun. Affirmation and physical touch, my two love languages, are being withheld and it feels as if favor too is sometimes absent. However, God does not let me be completely dismayed. His purposes are always good.

Lately, I do not feel myself praying like I should nor studying the Word nor spending time with God for knowing and being known. I feel the loneliness keeping me company like a rain cloud that outstays its welcome. I need a jolt of joy so I shall study the Word to remember what brings me joy–besides the Word… I will soon recall. I do greatly enjoy working!! Thank You, Jesus, for my temp job! Be blessed! And hear this well:

http://bible.com/114/jos.23.11.nkjv
Therefore take careful heed to yourselves, that you love the Lord your God.

http://bible.com/111/jos.23.11.niv
So be very careful to love the Lord your God.

http://bible.com/130/jos.23.11.ojb
Be shomer me’od therefore unto yourselves, that ye love Hashem Eloheichem.

http://bible.com/128/jos.23.11.NVI
Hagan, pues, todo lo que está de su parte para amar al Señor su Dios.

Okay my Mandarin is too inadequate to post Joshua…. Maybe some pinyin? (My phone doesn’t have the correct accent marks but eh who cares.)
Chong guo ren, ni hao! Ni hao ma? Wo jiao Wáng Kăi lì. :)

Know this Scripture is important for living!

Heavenly Father, You matter most and You are my Favorite! You are Everything! Help me live like I know it! In Jesus name, Amen.

Virginia Psalm

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Kelly Zooms:

I sincerely cried. The beauty in these words! A true poet who speaks of the One I Adore!
Kelly

Originally posted on Scatterthought:

Disclaimer: I really admire poets, but I’m not sure I’m one.

This is the way God loves you,
in the quiet of blue mountains
that have only to stand tall to speak,

and this is the way God loves you,
in red clay earth staining rivers across palms,
blood-splashed dirt drunk on men
who fought for freedom and men they kept as slaves;
from this unholy ground springs flowers,
pressing blue petal-lips to sky.

This is the way God loves you,
in curious grace punctuating silence,
in rainstorms breaking down cloud-walls,
in tadpoles living in puddles atop a mountain,
in glad buoyancy of ocean waves.

This is the way God loves you—
when you ask who he is and what he wants,
his only answer is pine-scent drifting on air,
dappled sunlight, radiant brushstrokes of evening.

And this is the way God loves you,
in the preservation of ancient words:

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2 Thessalonians 3:13 (Perseverance)

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Kelly Zooms:

Love this!
Kelly

Originally posted on The River Walk:

Originally posted on 10/15/13

Read: Jeremiah 26:1-27:22, 2 Thessalonians 3:1-18, Psalm 85:1-13, Proverbs 25:16

As for the rest of you, dear brothers and sisters, never get tired of doing good. 2Thessalonians 3:13

perseverance

Relate: What is perseverance? Some say its a habit. Its the habit of getting up in the morning when you’d rather hit the snooze button. Its the habit of doing that extra pushup, taking that extra step, and running one more check. Its the habit of going a little further, of not stopping until you know that you are done… and then doing a little more just in case.

Some say it is a personality trait. Whether through nature or nurture, perseverance is a temperament that some people have. They are the type of people that just cannot quit. They don’t know the meaning of the word. Maybe its perfectionism that wants to make sure everything is just right, maybe its competitiveness that…

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79/286: Do Not Be Discouraged

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Even though I got to start working (temporarily) today (insert party and full-on celebration here!),  I have not been able to bear up under discouragement lately so that the struggle is real. However, tonight God broke it down for me like this…

http://bible.com/114/jos.1.8-9.nkjv
This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it.
For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.
Have I not commanded you?
Be strong and of good courage;
do not be afraid,
nor be dismayed,
for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

!!!!!!!!! Super yippee yay!!!!!!!! I dunno what else to say! Let’s pray, my blessed friend!

Oh LORD God, who is like You?! Who compares?! All those false gods are chumps and fakes and phonies! You’re the Real Deal! The powers that be are ordained of You! All government offices carry out what You set forth. No plan of Yours can be thwarted! No one can change what You set in place. Yet You bend low to hear Your child, and I have hope! Because for the righteous, You will stretch out Your hand and do mighty things! Nothing is too difficult for Thee! You will put gladness in my heart! I rest in Your unfailing love and wait for You to act. Lift up my countenance yet while I wait I will praise You for You call praise pleasant and beautiful. I will exalt Your Name and You will make my prayers as incense in Heaven! Angels smell my pleas and my praise! The knowledge of that is too wonderful for me! Let all Heaven and earth rejoice at the sound of Your great Name! Let every voice proclaim the Name that is above all names, the Name of the Lamb of Perfection Who Was Slain! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! There’s just something about that Name! Kings and kingdoms will all pass away, but there’s something about that Name! Master, Savior, Jesus! Like the fragrance after the rain! Let every knee bow and every tongue confess! You will refute every tongue who accuses You! And they will all say, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come!" And "Alleluia!" Oh, I can’t wait to see Your face, Your Grace! Make me like Joshua! Make me a Caleb! Put my feet in the Promised Land! I wait. I wait. I can’t even fathom, but I wait. Oh glory! The things You will do to show Yourself faithful! The testimonies You have plans to add to me! I give myself over to You completely! Forgive my grumbling. Lead me though I’m not worthy. Take me by the hand and lead me into the Promised Land. I believe! Thank You for the job You gave me and the job You have soon to give me and the job in ministry You will entrust to me in time! Thank You for grace that is greater than all my sin. Purify me. Prepare me. In Jesus’ fragrant name, Amen!

78/287: Why is Church Lonely?

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Maybe it is just me… But I feel lonely at church.

Maybe it is this lonely journey, this Pause, I am on where God causes me to be lonely for a purpose… But I feel alone when I leave church.

I feel God there, yes, but Him only.

I attend a large church with multiple services in multiple locations so there are plenty of people. I go to a good church too!

Maybe I am odd. Yet you have to get to know me to know that, so that must not be it. Someone said to me the other day when I prepared for my job “interview” that I am very pleasing to the eye, so it must not be because I’m ugly. I know I’m not malodorous. Heaven forbid! And I am such a friendly person, so it cannot be just me.

So how is it that in three months, missing only one Sunday, I have made only two friends? (Neither is close to my age or in my demographic really.) I ask myself this question, because I care not just about me but the other kellys. The other kellys may not have my persistence. The other kellys may not have my church background to feel accepted when I don’t feel accepted yet. The other kellys may not know how to push to find out the information to be on the mailing lists and find the classes to grow in.

Why is church lonely?

Do I have a chance to connect in the service? No, only with a card that I may or may not choose to complete. No one touches me.

Do I have a chance to connect in a Sunday School class/Discipleship class/Life Group/Small Group? Yes, if others realize the need of every soul who walks in new. So no. No, I am dependent on others to not just make the info sheet a priority but also the PERSON whose info is being requested! So no.

Today I told two friends before church that my someday-husband may meet me today, because I was starting in a new SS Class!!! I was so excited at the opportunity to make new friends! Someone! Anyone! Yay! So excited!

No. Again the info sheet was the priority, and it was passed across several chairs and not even handed to me personally. Missed opportunity for friendship or connection. (I know they don’t know, Lord, what they’re doing so they aren’t wrong.) Not one person said their name to me except the teacher, who was the only male present this time. (My someday-husband was not really my priority today. I just hoped to be his. But mostly I wanted to make friends at last!) No one asked my name or said hello but the teacher?! No one touched me. :'(

Church is lonely sometimes. So I have to keep going alone. I must. God says I need to assemble with other believers and so I shall. But why do people not know how lonely they make church? Why do they not know people come in broken and hungry?! Why do they not know that people probably find more acceptance in bars or in other seedy places than in God’s house?! Why are sinners sometimes friendlier than saints?!

(Lord, please teach your children to be friendly people. Or please send someone to teach Christians what bankers know… Send me! I’ll go help!) As a banker previously, I learned to walk up to every person, shake hands, look them in the eye, and talk to them. How is that so hard?! Why is church so lonely?

Next Sunday, I guess I will walk up to every person and shake their hand. I must make friends or I will continue to be discouraged and lonely. So I will continue to do the work. It may be lonely there, but I am determined to make friends at church. I will not be deterred. But why is church so lonely?

It was not that way in the first church in Acts…

http://bible.com/111/act.2.42-47.niv
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

http://bible.com/111/act.4.32-35.niv
All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need.

Friend, you are blessed! Now bless God and others!!

Oh Father Who Hears Our Prayers, hear my prayer! I have looked and searched and hoped and tried to be an example for friends with a deep desire to have the fellowship found in the first church! Or any kind of fellowship at all! Lord, why is church so lonely???!?!?! We need a Great Physician! We need healing! Make us light! Make us salt! Change our hearts to seek out the broken, the hurting, the lost, the new person, the hungry, the seeker! Do Your work! Your church should be a hospital not a social club! Yet socializing has a place, I know! But it should be like coming home!! It should be refreshing! People should feel welcome, not rejected! I cry out to You, Lord! I cry for the other kellys who are not strong like me or saved like me or who need a church service to bring revival while I can have that alone in my bedroom and have! What will they do?! How will they have hope if they continue to feel hopeless and no one comes alongside them?! I go to a good church!!!!!!! This problem is not local, it’s anywhere I’ve gone! Lord, why is the church a lonely place?! Help! Help, Lord! Change things! Nothing is too difficult for Thee! I trust You! Help me stay encouraged so that I can do the work to make friends. It is hard work making friends in America. Why?! People don’t need friends. They have phones and Facebook and movies. I need friends. I do not have those things now! Why do I always have to be the odd girl, Lord? Haha But I will. I will do whatever You have for me to do! Help me help the church somehow. Or send someone! Help us, Lord! Maybe we need a class called Friendliness 101! Or Make Connection 101… I don’t know! But we need help, Lord! We need training! Make us like You. You sought people out, Jesus! Make us care about others. Change us, Great One! Teach us, Good Rabbi! Oh, God, the hungry and lost come to Your church and leave lonely! I would hate to be ugly or look poor! The rejection would be complete, Lord! What can be done, Lord? Come help us, Lord. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Even so. Come. Lord Jesus, come. Come Holy Spirit, come! Rain down on us, Good Spirit! We look to You for everything! I ask not for me when I am so strong, but I ask for the lost and the lonely and the hurting! Hear my prayer, Lord! I ask in Christ’s name, Amen.

77/288: (Sabbath resting)

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Draw me away, Lover-of-My-Soul, and make me ready for an earthly husband. I rest in You, Lord.
http://bible.com/114/sng.1.1-17.nkjv
The song of songs, which is Solomon’s. Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— For your love is better than wine. Because of the fragrance of your good ointments, Your name is ointment poured forth; Therefore the virgins love you. Draw me away! We will run after you. The king has brought me into his chambers. We will be glad and rejoice in you. We will remember your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you. I am dark, but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, Like the tents of Kedar, Like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me, because I am dark, Because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons were angry with me; They made me the keeper of the vineyards, But my own vineyard I have not kept. Tell me, O you whom I love, Where you feed your  flock, Where you make it rest at noon. For why should I be as one who veils herself By the flocks of your companions? If you do not know, O fairest among women, Follow in the footsteps of the flock, And feed your little goats Beside the shepherds’ tents. I have compared you, my love, To my filly among Pharaoh’s chariots. Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of  gold. We will make you ornaments of gold With studs of silver. While the king is at his table, My spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, That lies all night between my breasts. My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blooms In the vineyards of En Gedi. Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove’s eyes. Behold, you are  handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also our bed is green. The beams of our houses are cedar, And our rafters of fir.

(This is the July 24th post.)

76/289: Mercy & Tomatoes

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So here’s an update after yesterday’s prayer request …

The interview I asked for prayer for? Figured out within a few minutes that it was just a business opportunity… So that happens sometimes. :/

However, we prayed doggone it! Sooooo… Good news! I got a call late this afternoon from a temp agency and they have a 2-month part-time assignment for me (while someone is on leave) starting Monday! God heard our prayers! Thank you so much for praying for me!!!! :) (I appreciate your continued prayer for a full-time job! Still don’t think I should return to Facebook until I have a FT job.) God is ever faithful!!!!!! He is so merciful to me!!!! I am so thankful to have a job even if it is temporary! Thank you for your prayers! And I still have my job as a substitute teacher when the school year starts. I can do both probably! Yay! Be blessed!

http://bible.com/114/luk.6.27-36.nkjv
“But I say to you who hear: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,  bless those who curse you, and pray for those who spitefully use you.  To him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic either.  Give to everyone who asks of you. And from him who takes away your goods do not ask them back.  And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise. “But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.  And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same.  And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back.  But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.  Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.

Oh God, You are my God, and I will ever praise You! I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways! And step by step You’ll lead me, and I will follow You all of my days! How wonderful and gracious You are, Heavenly Father! Thank You! Thank You so much for giving me some small job! Lord, I have felt so alone! It seems no one understands me or what I’m going through. Someone said that now I can try to develop excellent references? :'( Yet You know I have had excellent job references all along! This was something You were doing by waiting so long to give me a job, but no one sees. You are at work all around us! Give them eyes to see and ears to hear! I have felt so alone.

I started wondering if You, Jesus, may have ever felt alone. You did! Surely! You probably felt like no one could possibly understand what You were facing! They couldn’t! You were facing down death! You were choosing to be tortured and lay down Your whole life for dolts, morons, idiots, meanies, punks, bullies, brutes, harlots, dummies, and rascals! For the likes of me! No one could know how You felt! Maybe sometimes You realized they couldn’t comprehend the gravity of the situation… Or maybe they seemed thick-headed or myopic. Lord, I apologize for ever being slow to understand and selfish. I apologize, for surely, I have taken Your death for granted. I apologize for the times I have surely trampled on the blood You painfully shed for me! I am so sorry for not being longsuffering in my thoughts toward those You gave me to love! I apologize for not always being patient with people.

Your Word says in Luke 6, that You are kind to even the ungrateful and the wicked. You tell me to be merciful just as You are merciful! Oh help, Father! How?! Make me like You! Somehow make my stone heart into flesh! Somehow make me like You! Make me forgiving when others pick up stones. Make me merciful when others seek hard justice. Make me kind to all peoples! Not just to pastor’s secretaries but to meanies or people who others pass over! As a former meanie, I know meanies are just hurting and need love too! Make me kind even to men who scare me! Give me hands of mercy! Give me a kind heart! Make even my eyes to shine mercy and grace! Make me like You! Dear Lord, I look to You for everything! You are my Everything! Help me live like I know it!

Father, do You want me to be a missionary? Then You will have to do it. I tried to go to JBU for a degree in missions years ago, but I had to come home. I can’t do this on my own. I leave it in Your capable hands. Father, do You want me to have a marriage testimony of love? Then You will have to do it. I tried, but I had to come home to You. I can’t do this on my own. I leave it in Your capable hands.

Thank You, Big Mercy, for Candy who gave me beef and tomatoes today after my interview and said I looked so pretty. I needed those words when You have kept the men away. Help her house to sell for more than the asking price somehow! Bless her obedience a hundredfold. Thank You for making a Candy Stream in the Kelly Desert! Woo! There is nothing like being around the righteous! Thank You so much, Your Grace! And thank You for causing Joe at the temp agency (whose parents are missionaries Haha!) to change his mind and hire me instead of someone else he was thinking about! We know YOU did that work and Your people who prayed for me! I love You so much, Jesus! Thank You for prayer warriors all around! If I get to take my daughter swimming tomorrow, I will thank You so heartily! Thank You for tomatoes! I love succulent, juicy tomatoes!!!! I love getting jobs! Ha! I love Jesus! In the sacred name of Jesus, I pray, Amen! (This is the July 24th post.)

75/290: Help! Pray for my Interview?! :)

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I do not plan to take more hours from this day than I already have so I will just say that I have an interview tomorrow (today, Friday) at 11 am CST, at an insurance office. I do not even know what position I applied for truthfully, because I have applied for any and everything, including multiple jobs at the same employer. I’m honest with you always… I know I haven’t told you about other interviews, but a) I’m getting desperate here, people Haha, b) I really didn’t find it appropriate previously but just now I’ve thrown proper out the window haha, and c) I actually have an interview at a place in which I would most likely enjoy working! Will you please pray for God’s will in providing the right full-time job for me? I appreciate it!

http://bible.com/114/luk.6.38.nkjv
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.”

Gracious Heavenly Father, You are amazing! You are wondrous! I am in awe of Your mercy and Your grace! You instruct Your servants to bless me so that I am overwhelmed! I do not deserve such grace! I do not deserve such eternal mercy! Oh, but I need it and I love it! Be so near us, Lord, for we look to You for everything. We need You. I long to see Your face! I long for my new names! Both the one You will grant me thru my someday-husband and the one You say will be written on a white rock. I don’t understand some things and some why’s, but I can still get excited!!! Because I trust You to know what is best for me! Even in my job search. I trust You in all things. I know Your purposes are good. I love You with my whole being. Be magnified in my life! Hear my prayers for my family and friends and for people I do not even know. I do whatever You say! You know I require constant encouragement Haha yet when I know You are pleased with me, I can do all things! I am not afraid. Build me. Ready me. I give myself to You as broken and messy as I am… And this tongue that steers the whole boat to shipwreck sometimes…oh, I trust You even with that work! Thank You for forgiveness! I don’t know what to pray, Lord, bc tomorrow is close at hand! Be my Help. I know that no matter what, no one can thwart the plans of the Sovereign Lord! Nothing I do can make me have a job You don’t intend for me, and nothing I do can mess up a job You have decided to give me! I rest in You. I wait for You for even a full time position in ministry someday and a godly husband someday according to Your will for my life. In Jesus’ name I trust and pray, amen! (This is the July 23rd post.)

74/291: God Hears Prayers for Basic Needs!

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Tonight my child’s belly is full with what she called “rich people food,” (salad Haha and ice cream!!) and that is everything to my heart!! I drank chocolate milk, because I am a little kid myself! Haha It was so good! God hears our prayers!!!

Someone showed up in my dry desert today! My friends and I have been praying about tires for my car, because all five tires were in deplorable condition. Today an angel, a new friend, bought me TWO BRAND NEW TIRES! And she bought us GROCERIES!!!! She made me go down EVERY aisle in the grocery store, because she let ME PICK what I needed! And she spent a lot of money probably, because I know it was a LOT of food! And then she bought me toilet paper!!!!! And other toiletries. Who let’s someone fill a cart with groceries, and then says, “Do you need toilet paper or anything else!?!” Only the servant of the One True God to whom I have been praying for toilet paper for three days!!! God showed up right on time with all of it!!!! I’ve been filling that bald tire with air all week! And He never let it go flat! God is faithful!

Don’t tell me that one person can’t make a difference! Tonight she was my whole church embodied in one beautiful lady who gave generously as if she was many! God’s Word says she who sowed generously into Kelly will reap generously!

God’s purposes are always good! He knows the reason for us not having “the richest of fare” for so many weeks until tonight. I have not gone to bed hungry, but plain, bland foods are all we had and foods that do not go together so that I sometimes chose not to eat (if my daughter had eaten in town with her boyfriend). Yet I remember tonight how it feels to have an abundance!

I couldn’t wait to text my closest friends to tell them what God did to provide two new (not used) tires! And groceries! And toilet paper! This I texted afterward, because we all need encouragement:

  • God is soooooo good! He hears prayers! So don’t stop praying!!!! Don’t stop believing! He knows your needs!!!

And I say to you also: Do you faithfully serve Him? Are you obediently waiting on your answer? Don’t think He has forgotten us. He hears! He feeds the hungry, He re-tires the tireless, and He toilet papers the paperless…. No one is paying me to write here!!! Haha I had to say it, because sometimes hunger for important things makes a soul weary. You already knew I was a dork. Laugh! You need it! :)

But hear this most: God is faithful to all His promises, and loving toward all He has made. He is near to the brokenhearted. Wrong or right, I don’t medicate my brokenness as the world teaches.* I accept it. Instead I get on my face, prostrate myself before the King of the Whole Earth, let that sorrow come out, and sow generously in tears. Tonight I laughed so hard while I was driving home, because I had reaped generously in JOY!!!! In His Presence is fullness of joy!!

Two small things:

  • Today I met with the Prayer Coordinator for my church, an 83 year old treasure of a lady! She taught me when I asked many questions on how she prays: Meditate on, or in the original language, “mutter” the Scripture and let your mind be renewed by It.
  • Also… Every time now when I type my first and last name, my keyboard lists this as its next predicted word: Sent. So it reads: Kelly Zooms. Sent. (If you don’t get what I am saying, read it in my prayer.)

Be blessed!

http://bible.com/114/jer.18.5-6.nkjv
Then the word of the Lord came to me, saying: “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter?” says the Lord . “Look, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand, O house of Israel!

Oh Good Potter, Good Lord, Good Father, to me You are Everything! You are glorious! You are Righteous and True! You are the Most Holy One Who Reigns On High! No one is like You!! You are my Praise! You are my Portion and my Very Great Reward! I adore You! I worship You! I believe in You! Nothing is too difficult for You! My God is Mighty to save! Jesus, You have changed everything! You come wearing white, Holy Knight! You are perfect! Your ways are beautiful! Your ways are contrary to the wicked ways of the world and defy conventional wisdom! You show me the upside to being down. You make a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland! Thank You for sending Your faithful servant, Candy, into this parched land! Bless richly her obedience and generosity that defies human logic, because she is like her Father: faithful and wonderful! Thank You for groceries that have so many colors! And toilet paper and conditioner that tames my long hair! You take care of every need! You tend me like a Good Mother Hen! Your mercies are new like my tires! But Your mercy is EVERLASTING!! I love serving You! No one compares to my God! Hallelujah! Let every false god be silenced! Let every knee bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord of all the earth!!! Send workers for the harvest, Lord! Here am I, send me! Thank You, for causing even the keyboard on my blessed phone to know that You have plans for me and even it now encourages me! You make me laugh! You give me joy unspeakable! Hear my prayers for my friends and family always, Lord! In the mightiest name, Jesus, I pray, amen! (This is the July 22nd post.)
* I have no authority for giving medical advice nor do I attempt to here. Seek both your earthly and your Divine Physician in all medical issues. This is merely my own written account.

73/292: Being Set Apart is Lonely

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(I hope for my audience to be those in ministry….. I say that to say, I am not airing complaints. I hope no one I know reads this who will think that.)

Maybe I am just not good at ministry. I try to do a simple thing daily: Send people Scripture by text, tell them good morning or afternoon, and ask them how I can continue to pray for them. Seems easy, right? Yet I face more rejection and the subsequent discouragement than anything. People don’t often ask for prayer! (I’m thinking, What?! Who doesn’t want prayer! I love prayer!)

I have prayed hard to make friends in this part of the state. [Even though as an introvert in the flesh I simply just don't want to care, and I don't want to need anyone. Yet I force myself to keep being about "my neighbor" since the Word says so much about loving others… And I'm called to be a Missionary.] Yet for what I consider "doing unto others as I want done for me," people do not flock to me like I thought they would if I offered kindness in friendship and free prayer……. :/

I struggle with this. Maybe I’m not good at ministry…

Or maybe it is the Word that they struggle to reconcile themselves with… In that case, pastors or others in ministry must face this also.

Or maybe I’m not relatable, because I have never struggled with drug addiction and I’ve never been arrested… and I cannot relate to those things or understand what someone facing them struggles with or their pain. However I DO   know what it is to be motherless, fatherless, homeless, divorced, widowed (same marriage), unloved, unemployed, abandoned, hungry, and a foster kid and a single mom. Yet I reconciled with my father and with my mother and with my husband. How amazing is God’s grace that is greater than all my sin!?!!

Where was I?….

Maybe I’m not relatable, because I come across as [someone called me recently] a "holy roller"…

Is it possible to be "too heavenly minded to be any earthly good?" Or is that hooey? And just malarkey that the enemy tries to keep godly people from striving toward holy living? I don’t have the answers. Only questions. Do you know? Please tell me.

I feel like soon God is about to reveal that I put too much stock in being accepted by people and having a need to be liked. Um hello! Which girl was it that told everybody yesterday to click Like if they agree with my prayer?! Haha Yes that’s me! Oh, He has so much work to do on me! :)

At one point today I decided I don’t really know what this Pause, this Year Apart is even about. I don’t even know. Does it matter? No one cares! I can tell you that for sure. Not many read my blog. Two people… I think I understand the stats. Haha No one applauds me for this Pause so that I wonder if it is right to do. People just look at me like I’m nuts. Today I considered that I might be, because if God wasn’t trying to teach me something I would have had a job by now! Right? Haha

But I’m not doing this for people to understand. I’m not doing this for people to read my dumb blog. I’m being obedient.

Also I don’t want to keep doing the same mindless things and keep getting the same pointless results. I don’t want the same thing everyone else has so I’m not doing what they are doing. People complain secretly about their marriages and their spouses and their unhappiness. People complain that they hate dating but don’t know another way. I don’t want another loveless relationship. I have that already being single! I pray for God to be the Matchmaker of my life and select the best friend I will ever have to partner me with in lifelong marriage and full-time ministry. Will we be perfect? Y’all know I’m not! I hope he won’t be either!

However, mostly all of this is about God and me colliding. This Pause or Journey is about serving Him best. This Journey is about hearing His direction for my life. This is about me maturing rapidly and intensely in the Kingdom for Kingdom work. This Pause is meant, I think, for me to take a step away from all the noise and the lights and be still.

So this is what God has either removed, had me remove, currently cannot afford, was not an option, does not interest me, or my kids already dominate it, etc…Daily I am without:

  • TV or cable
  • Computer with internet
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Social networking outside of job sites like LinkedIn
  • Unlimited Data on my phone
  • Video Games
  • Junk food, snacks, and soda to distract
  • Extra money for shopping at the mall or dining out with friends

I say that to say, it’s a desert, people!!!! ;) Why do I text so much?! It’s either go to church (service, Bible study, or Bible-based recovery meeting), text friends, job search, do my Bible study classwork, read the Bible, read another book, pray for others, or spend time with God for knowing and being known. This is my life currently. (My teenager does not want to spend time with me, and my older child has left the nest recently.) So that’s it. (Oh for about three minutes a week, I play The Blockheads, a game on my phone. Don’t laugh, but only my second or third-grade students ever know of this game! Haha) I’m in the desert! And it feels like no one wants to spend time with me! Haha Help me, Lord? Why?! Am I ugly? Do I stink? Am I mal-adjusted to society? What is it?!?!? Haha

I laugh, because otherwise I might cry and because it only appears this way. My enemy, the devil, likes to try to toy with my mind. In truth, my friends do want to spend time with me, but life is busy, other people have jobs and Facebook and television, and their kids have hobbies, etc. So here I am with my Bible and my phone and tons of free time. Things could be worse! I’m so blessed. Oh, and yesterday I made a new friend named Kelly :) who lives down the road, goes to my church, and has a swimming pool!!!! I’m ’bout to holler hallelujah, y’all! Hallelujah!!!!!

But tonight I wondered like Elijah if I’m the only one like me that does weird fasts or feels led to consecrate things that others find odd… Where are the other kellys….? (Not my new friend) And is my someday-husband one of them? Are you?

Do you know anything about what I’m facing? Because I want you to know that in this I am feeling alone! Where are those who seek hard after purity and holy living? I’m alone with God, yes, but still I feel peculiar. Am I wrong to do this? Will it produce fruit as I hope? Does someone wiser know I set myself up to fail? Or succeed? Does someone older approve of this journey? Maybe they told me and today I have forgotten. But again I don’t have answers. Only questions.

http://bible.com/114/rev.19.6-9.nkjv
And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, “Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.” And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!’ ” And he said to me, “These are the true sayings of God.”

Lord God Omnipotent, I cannot imagine all Your Wisdom! Jesus, I cannot wait for that day when you return! Lately I read You saying it will be a fearful day and yet I wait! I cannot wait to see the words on Your robe and Your thigh saying, "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS." But Your face, O Lord, I most seek! I want to see Your face! I do not spend enough time with You for knowing You and being known by You. I want to know You more. I want to love You more. Where are the other kellys? Surely I’m not the only weirdo. Yet I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ for it is salvation for those who believe! And I am not ashamed of the things You show me to do. I trust You to correct me when I’m wrong or when I am about to take the wrong path or make my own way or misquote Scripture in my prayers. You lead me with Your right hand. You are near to the brokenhearted and the poor and needy, so I know You are always with me. I need You, Jesus. I need You for everything. Be magnified in Your people and in me and all I do. Take me swimming even? Times of refreshing will come, I know! Nothing is better than Your Presence! For there is FULLNESS of joy!!! You, O God, I love! In Jesus’ Name, Amen. (This is the July 21st post.)

72/293: A Question about Wisdom

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First of all this:

http://bible.com/111/pro.8.22-31.niv
“The Lord brought me forth as the first of his works, before his deeds of old;
I was formed long ages ago,
at the very beginning, when the world came to be.
When there were no watery depths,
I was given birth,
when there were no springs overflowing with water;
before the mountains were settled in place, before the hills, I was given birth,
before he made the world or its fields or any of the dust of the earth.
I was there when he set the heavens in place, when he marked out the horizon on the face of the deep,
when he established the clouds above and fixed securely the fountains of the deep,
when he gave the sea its boundary so the waters would not overstep his command, and when he marked out the foundations of the earth.
Then I was constantly at his side. I was filled with delight day after day, rejoicing always in his presence,
rejoicing in his whole world and delighting in mankind.

Okay so for years, I have studied Proverbs 8 (or the chapter on wisdom as I call it in my thoughts). Tonight! This night I first saw that before anything else was made God made Wisdom! The first act of  work He did was to make Wisdom!? Am I reading this correctly? (Sounds wise to me!!! Haha) Because I studied it in 7 or 8 versions including the Orthodox Jewish Bible…and I could be wrong. And I know the NKJV says God “possessed” wisdom, but later it says Wisdom “was brought forth.” So am I reading correctly that the first work God did was making/possessing/bringing forth Lady Wisdom? If so, then thank You God for giving me wisdom about Wisdom! Woo hoo! Haha Yessssss!

I also saw this: “…all who hate [Wisdom] love death.” Proverbs 8:36 NIV1984
:/ No haters here! Only loveys! :)

Anyhoodles, tonight I have little else to say, because I have other priorities which tug at my heart. Be super blessed by our SuperGod!

http://bible.com/114/psa.62.11-12.nkjv

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work.

Mighty Good Leader,
You, O King of Mercy, are my Hope, my Strength, my Stronghold, my Deliverer, my Love! Thank You for having Jennifer ask me to do her a favor today and then having her fill my gas tank!! Woo hoo! Thank You, Jesus and Jennifer! Bless her, Lord! I look to You for everything from toilet paper to tires! You are my Provider when I have no job. What can I do without You?! Thank You for teaching me Your Word! I believe every word in the Bible is true! I believe in You, Jesus! You are my Bible! I hope in You! Hear my prayers for my friends and family always, because we lift our eyes up to the hills and hope in Your unfailing love! I believe in You so much that I believe You can even make a treasured bride out of meeeee and my assertive, intense self! Oh the work You’ve got to do! Hahaha Yet I totally trust You, Grace! I wait.

Let the gospel message move all over the world, Lord! Send workers for the harvest! Here am I, Lord, send me! I’ll go wherever You want. You have given me not a spirit of fear but of power, of LOVE, and of a sound mind. Sudan? I’ll go! Russia? Send me. China? Yay! The U. S.? Let’s get on it! Somewhere cold? Make me a cold-weather froot and make me love parkas and things I do not yet love! I’ll be freezing for Jesus! Lost City of Atlantis? Who did You make to love water more?! I’m Yours, Wisdom Keeper! “If I settle on the far side of the sea, even there, Your hand will guide me.” Ready me. Love You bunches! In Jesus’ Holy Name, Amen! (This is the July 20th post.)
If you agree with my prayer, click Like so I know. Thanks! I love agreement and unity in prayer. :)

71/294: Called to Go & Tell the World the Name that Breaks Every Chain

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https://youtu.be/rOyjD5Zw2ew

This is Jesus Culture singing "Break Every Chain" or as I like to wrongly call it, "There is Power in the Name of Jesus." (If the video acts up I will edit later, sweet tater, if I know.)

I’m asking God today if EVERY single day has to be a day full of spiritual warfare or if maybe… I dunno but… can we go swimming soon!? Haha Priorities! Just need money for gasoline, yet toilet paper trumps fuel. :/ Real talk. How are things going for me? Some days I find it better not to take assessment. Haha But only because I’m dealing with far too much discouragement. Staying in the Word, breathing prayers, and trying to keep the high praises of God in my mouth but usually failing completely at the latter. (I say that for all the people who worry for me and wonder if I’m doing everything right. Do they have a different Manual than me? Haha And yes, I have been to the temp agencies and the useless employment office!!!!!! Haha But oh how many have asked! People, I am not as dumb as I look! Haha C’mon, geez Louise! And for the love of Pete, it is spiritual in nature, I keep saying that! Because I cannnnn pass a background check and any other. Dear Lord, forgive me for venting, but show people You could give me a tiny job if You wanted to do exactly that just now. Haha)

Today I have been searching into the Sabbath, its importance, why it’s not observed in most of Christianity in my neck of the woods on Sabado, and does that matter to my daily life? Obviously, I did not fall off the turnip truck yesterday, but when the Lord drops something on your doorstep you open the box and look inside for the treasure. I’m still looking and will continue seeking HIS heart in the matter. Don’t expect me to "teach" it here. From some few minutes online, I remembered people have been grappling with the matter of Saturday vs. Sunday Worship since well before I popped out. Therefore, I dare not make proclamations about my little baby discoveries unless the Lord leads. Sometimes people think I’m teaching, when I’m just saying, "Koolness, mane!" or "Whoa! Papa killed ’em all! Really?!" It is usually just an observation and a wonder and awe like a little child.

Lately, I have felt like being a Christian is complicated and that all I do is mess up! Someone heard me judging myself and  said, "Kelly, you are too hard on yourself!! Whoa!" Yes, I am and I don’t know how to be a different person… So there’s that. I can either be lazy and go swimming, or I can be careful to consecrate myself to God to joyfully produce much fruit by God’s power. But I know it’s not complicated to be a Christian, I know, I know. I just need time with my Father…. And maybe I need to go swimming finally! Haha I’m a mess, I know!

Someone else said, "Kelly, you have made a full-time job out of looking for a full-time job!!!!" How else do you get one?! Haha However, I should say this… Never think that I am trying to earn my salvation. I work hard at Bible study (though not nearly enough), because I absolutely love the Word and the Author! I work hard at prayer (though not nearly enough), because I absolutely love the ones I’m praying for and the One I’m praying to! I would absolutely work hard at a full-time job, if someone would only give me one! Haha Believe it! (I do not work hard at this blog, however, because when I did it was far too long like this post and no one wanted to read it. Haha and God showed me other priorities. No, I usually just type out a rough draft by email, read it once, edit, and send. People should pay me to be a copy editor! Haha I may be terrible with my own work, but it’s an innate skill for me when others write the words.)

Tonight I worked hard at looking through unengaged people groups on the website for the International Mission Board, because why? I’m a nerd! Yes, but no… I truly feel God leads me there sometimes… Where are they? Where are the ones who have never heard the most beautiful Name that breaks every chain? I really, truly feel like the reason I have never figured out anything else I want to be when I grow up…lies in the fact that God already set it down in my heart when I was a child. Missionary.

It never goes away. It burns in me. It’s a fire. It’s a calling. It’s a hope of my future and my purpose and what God will do. I surrender to it as almost always, He’s just been preparing me, refining me, burning away the chaff. Oh so much chaff…

He also set it down in my heart that I will not go alone. I wait, seeking no man but God only. And even though that seems completely opposite the way to find what I hope for, God, whose ways are higher than ours, will honor this trust in Him and provide me as a bride to the one godly man the Lord selects for the work we will do on the mission field together. In the Name of Jesus, my faith is being built up in Jehovah Jireh, the Great Provider, who is currently meeting each small need as I have them. (Maybe now you will see why I do not have employment yet… "See?! [He] is doing a new thing! Now it springs up! Do you not perceive it? He is making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.") I risk much admitting to the world that I hope for so much from the Lord, knowing I can be laughed at. Yet I will not be put to shame. ;) This is not too difficult for Him. This is not my plan. I’m not smart enough to dream this stuff up! Don’t give me so much credit! Heehee! First, I say I’m not a dummy, now I say I am. Haha Keep up!

"My hope is built on nothing less
than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.
I dare not trust the sweetest frame.
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
On Christ, the Solid Rock, I stand.
All other ground is sinking sand."
(I found this link if you want to keep singing.) http://www.lutheran-hymnal.com/lyrics/tlh370.htm
Be blessed of the Lord!

So here’s my "Koolness, mane" moment: Is this Scripture below not talking about intercessory prayer and spiritual warfare!?!? What else!?

http://bible.com/114/psa.149.4-9.nkjv
For the Lord takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation.
Let the saints be joyful in glory;
Let them sing aloud on their beds.
Let the high praises of God be in their mouth,
And a two-edged sword in their hand,
To execute vengeance on the nations,
And punishments on the peoples;
To bind their kings with chains,
And their nobles with fetters of iron;
To execute on them the written judgment—
This honor have all His saints. Praise the Lord !

Sovereign Lord, I love You with my whole heart and everything that I have is Yours and all that I am is Yours. I look to You for everything. I wait. Accomplish Your will in my life and in my death. I surrender all to You. For You are great and most worthy of all honor and glory and praise. You are amazing! You are glorious! You are Holy! You deserve our best!!! I want to be the best and give You my best! As it is, I appear to have nothing by the world’s standards. Let them keep looking. Soon You will show off! You will do even more than You are now doing! You will soon reveal what You have had in mind all along! Because You honor obedience. Because You hear prayers! Because You are doing this work in me, my life, my future ministry, and my future marriage. This is by Your hand. And You are the Sovereign Lord! You will soon show up and show off! Wooo! Glory! Hallelujah! I wait. Make me strong for this journey. Build up my spirit that is cast down. Let me not be put to shame. I look to You for everything for You are my Everything!! Be magnified in all I give You. Always remember my prayers for my friends, who, alongside my readers, have a front row seat to see what You’re doing in my life, for reasons only You know about them each, so bless them all more than anything I can ask or imagine for them, especially the faithful who press back into me! In the matchless Name of Jesus, I pray, amen. (This is the July 19th post.)

70/295: It’s a good thing I’m not trying to have a great blog!

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:) Yes, it’s good that my point is not to have an amazing blog! Because that is not what we have here! Oh no sir… Not in the least. Haha what a beautiful mess! And after the work God wrought in me yesterday, I feel the Sovereign Lord has shown me that His blog and especially the journey HE is taking me on may very well change if He so deems it. I don’t have a clue how, but I find that I know nothing.

So what can I write if I know nothing?! The Ancient of Days has allowed me to see that I am just a worm, a mortal, a created being, nothing. Today I find myself so much more careful now in everything…in how I speak, in how I pray, in how I write, in how I text (maybe even who), in how I think. For I have been humbled. Today I keep company with Nebuchadnezzar, in his donkey state, not in his kingly state.

I truly look to the LORD for everything while I have not found employment to provide for my family. I am not new to this complete reliance on God however. Thank You, Lord, for providing for me today to have my phone, my only connection to praying friends and my little toy! Praise be to the God of Heaven!

http://bible.com/114/dan.4.34-37.nkjv
And at the end of the time I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my understanding returned to me; and I blessed the Most High and praised and honored Him who lives forever:
For His dominion is an everlasting dominion,
And His kingdom is from generation to generation.
All the inhabitants of the earth are reputed as nothing;
He does according to His will in the army of heaven
And among the inhabitants of the earth.
No one can restrain His hand
Or say to Him, “What have You done?”

At the same time my reason returned to me, and for the glory of my kingdom, my honor and splendor returned to me. My counselors and nobles resorted to me, I was restored to my kingdom, and excellent majesty was added to me.

Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, all of whose works are truth, and His ways justice. And those who walk in pride He is able to put down.

Ancient of Days, who can change what You have set in motion? Who can thwart Your plans? Who can make crooked what You have made straight? Who can alter one jot or tittle of Your Word without Your knowledge? Who can shake their fists at God for very long before You respond? It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God!!! Indeed! Yet even when You spank our butt and for good reason, Your everlasting mercy is always with You and surrounds Your child. Your goodness is deeper than the deepest sea! For Your mercy endures forever! You are so holy! You did not even spare Your own Son in Your requirements for holiness. You are the Sovereign Lord! The Lord will do what the Lord will do. I bow low to You! I wait for Your instruction in this difficult journey. I aspire to be like You in some small way if I even can.  Your ways are righteous and true, good and blameless, perfect and holy! I trust You. Teach me how to pray rightly to a Righteous & Holy God. I ask in deep reverence, in Jesus’ name, amen.